Fears. We all have them.
Even the most courageous and successful people that you can think of have things they are afraid of.
While most of us don’t like to admit it, fear is actually a very normal reaction to the unknown and the challenging.
In this article from Psychology Today, neuropsychologist, speaker, and author Theo Tsaousides says:
“Fear is hardwired in your brain, and for good reason. … Feeling fear is neither abnormal nor a sign of weakness: The capacity to be afraid is part of normal brain function. In fact, a lack of fear may be a sign of serious brain damage.”
Feeling afraid of things does not make us cowardly or incapable.
A problem only occurs when we allow our fears to keep us stuck in places that we don’t actually want to be in.
We all know what it’s like to let certain fears determine what we do or don’t do, to some extent.
But the good news is this: you get to choose what you let control your life.
You can be the kind of person that lets fear win.
You can be ruled by the things that give you anxiety for as long as you’re alive.
Or you can use your fears as a tool.
You can let them motivate you to change, to act, to grow, and to live the life of your dreams.
Regardless of your history, your experiences, your upbringing, or your life thus far, the choice is entirely yours.
As we embark on our journey of growth, it’s important to recognize the areas of our lives that we have let fear reign in.
Recognition allows us to begin to change.
Perhaps in your life, you’ve allowed fear to cripple your productivity.
In this Business Insider article, reporter Max Nisen says:
“One of the biggest killers of productivity and success is fear. Fear of putting themselves out there, fear of how they’ll be perceived by others, or something as simple as a fear of public speaking can paralyze people, wasting hours and days that could have been used more effectively.”
Choices and action always carry some risk, and sometimes we are so crippled by the anxiety that decisions and forward movement can have, that we do nothing but worry and stress over the things we want to do.
This lack of productivity is a massive waste of our time and moves us no closer to our goals.
Entire lifetimes can be spent in this position.
Maybe you’ve let fear keep you comfortably miserable.
You’re unhappy, but you know change is hard and you feel too weak to act.
You’ve attempted small changes in the past, and you’ve failed.
You let fear convince you that you’re better off staying comfortable, even if you don’t like the way your life looks.
Growth seems too challenging for you.
Maybe you’ve let your fears result in a life you regret.
You look back over the years at failed relationships, declining health, or dreams that you packed away and you wish, wish, wish you would have done something differently.
You wish for the time back, you wish for better choices, and you wish you could have found the courage and strength to act.
The truth is, there’s no magic “someday” where we wake up different and able and motivated.
We can make our dreams happen or we can choose not to, and no one is going to come along and rescue us if we don’t find our courage ourselves.
But there’s still hope.
Even if you have lived with regrets, and even if you have allowed your anxieties about new things and failure and growth hinder you up to this point, it is never too late to change.
It is never too late to start acting in spite of your fears.
It is never too late to start living a life of bravery.
Kandia Johnson is a successful communications strategist who launched Kandid Conversations LLC and She Deserves More, a masterclass and mentor-matching program for mid-career women.
In this Forbes interview, Kandia shares the story of how she learned to not let fear rule her life:
“Fear is a mental roadblock. But fear is needed because when you take action past your mental roadblocks, it helps you build self-confidence and become the best version of yourself. Over the years, I’ve trained my mind to understand that the feeling of fear never goes away; You just work through it.”
How do we begin to work through our fears, like Kandia, so they no longer hold us back?
By understanding more about what fear is, we can learn to use it to actually benefit us.
Here are 6 things to know about fear that will help you to master it:
1. Fear Is Just A Hurdle In Your Mind
It’s said that long distance running is more of a mental feat than a physical one.
Athletes spend a lot of time training their bodies, but the best of them also have a mental toughness that carries them through to the end.
In this Runners Connect article, author and athlete Allie Burdick says this about overcoming hurdles of the mind:
“If I really want to do something, I believe in my capacity to achieve it.
The belief is the key.
What the mind can conceive and believe it can achieve.
By race day, you have conceived and worked toward your goal.
When you line up at the start, you need to believe in yourself and your abilities, to achieve ultimate success.”
When we take actions to push past the hurdles in our lives, we are left with a feeling of can.
The motivation that feeling provides helps us to move on to the next, larger hurdle with confidence.
Without the hurdle, we would never experience that sense of empowerment.
The first time you feel like you can, is an indescribable feeling.
It might be:
- The first ten pounds you lose
- The first month you cut out soda
- The first year you thrive as a single parent
- The first client who pays you
- The first web page you design
- The first piece of work you publish
- The first 5k you finish
- The first credit card you pay off
- The first AA meeting you attend
- The first time you resolve conflict with a loved one in a healthy way
Experiencing the other side of a hurdle you thought you were incapable of conquering will change you forever.
If you’ve never experienced the confidence that overcoming an obstacle brings, it’s time to challenge yourself.
Recognize that fear is simply a mental hurdle that is meant to be conquered.
You can conquer it.
And just on the other side of that hurdle is great confidence, growth, and joy.
2. Fear Tells Us What We Really Want
When you picture yourself at the end of your life, what do you want to be able to say that you have done and accomplished?
How do you want to have lived?
What is the biggest regret you could possibly have on that day?
Is it not spending enough time with your family?
Is it leaving behind debt for the people you love?
Is it not having done enough for others?
Is it not having tried the thing you always dreamed of doing?
Being afraid of not living the life you desire can be a huge motivator.
This fear of regret can help you discover your “why.”
Entrepreneur and life coach Tony Robbins has this to say about the motivation fear can provide:
“…if we let it, fear can keep us locked up in the prison of the comfortable and predictable, which prevents us from reaching our true potential.
But there is also a way that fear can serve a valuable purpose, helping us break through the frustration to achieve the life we truly desire. That’s right – if you allow it to, fear can become your ultimate motivator. In your mind, if you have no choice but to succeed – if achieving your goal is an absolute must – then nothing else matters. Sacrifices won’t even be a question. Excuses go out the window. You’ll do whatever it takes to make it happen. Period.”
The things you are most afraid of missing out on help define what your priorities are.
This fear can be a very useful tool, if you do something about it.
Taking action will help to eliminate your fear.
You can let this fear push you forward on the days your feelings of discomfort want to win.
3. Fear Teaches Us How To Grow
If we agree that everyone has fears, no matter their age, race, gender, background, or status, we must logically conclude that some people choose to grow in spite of their fears.
You can decide to grow even when your goals are beyond your current abilities.
Exploring Your Mind has this to say about growth and fear:
“The only way you can unearth the opportunities behind your fear is to put yourself in those very situations.
It’s easy to forget that you now handle situations with ease but they used to paralyze you. Tests, speaking in public, socializing, etc. Behind each one of these situations was some kind of motivation.
The motivation of personal growth made you do these new or stressful things in spite of feeling paralyzed.”
When the thing you want to accomplish seems far fetched, and difficult, that’s when you can use your fears as an opportunity to start your journey.
For example, let’s say I’ve always wanted to become a yoga instructor.
This would currently sound like a crazy dream, if I were to share it with anyone in my life.
I have dabbled in yoga, and I enjoy it, but my level of expertise is still beginner. I can’t remember a lot of pose names, I’ve never done a handstand, and my flexibility could use work.
I also have never taught a room full of people anything, and doing so sounds incredibly nerve wracking.
Should I give up on that dream because its so big and looks silly from where I currently sit?
Should I look at the yogis of the world and assume they were born with flexibility, or that someone just handed them inner peace, confidence, and loads of time in a gift wrapped box?
I could.
And that’s often our thought pattern.
Wishfulness, jealousy, bitterness, excuses, regret.
Or, I could put a plan in place.
I could choose to spend six hours a week improving my own yoga practice, for a solid year.
I could get another client, or adjust my monthly budget so I can save up for some yoga retreats and workshops.
After my personal practice is improved, I could enroll in a teacher training program.
Once my training is complete, I could offer free classes at my local library to practice teaching and to get the experience needed to become a certified instructor.
In a couple of short years, I could be on my way to teaching at a studio.
Maybe then, I choose to save my funds from instructing to open my very own studio.
Whatever place you are currently in, there really aren’t dreams that are too big.
There is a way to break down your goals into manageable chunks, and you can start taking small actions now that will move you along your path.
The time passes anyway.
Make it a point to grow in spite of your fears, rather than allowing those fears to keep you stagnant.
4. Fear Allows Us To Adapt
When embarking upon anything new, the most crucial thing we can recognize is that failures are inevitable.
You’ve got to prepare yourself for this.
You will have failures. You will.
But they are not without value.
Our failures are such important teachers.
They show us how to adapt. What to tweak. Where to re-evaluate. How to try again.
The key is to keep moving forward and adjusting as you go until you get it right.
In this article, coach and author Mike Iamele says:
“…the truth is that the so-called ‘negative’ parts of ourselves can teach us just as much, if not more, than the positive aspects. Fear shows us areas where we want to grow and expand. And we’ll never run out of fears in this lifetime. Every time we conquer a fear, we find a dozen new ones, because it’s helping us dig through the layers and find the courage to be ourselves.”
5. Embracing Fear Equals The Playing Field
The people who have what we want are not special.
Read that line again.
The people who have what you want are no different than you.
The only thing that sets them apart is that they acknowledge their fears and they take action anyway.
The only difference is their mentality.
In this Wellness Universe article, holistic wellness coach Molly Wentzel says:
“The people who have everything you want are no different than you, except for one thing. They embrace their fears. They feel the fear, and then decide that they are going to do it anyway. They are okay with failing because at least they tried and can learn a lesson from that failure. They are okay with looking stupid because they know progress is better than staying stationary. They are okay with being rejected because they can collect feedback and improve. The people who stay complacent often believe that people who have achieved success, lost weight, or found a partner who respects them, etc. have some kind of advantage unavailable to them.
The only difference is your state of mind.”
Don’t run away and hide from fear.
If your idols can do great things, so can you.
If you really listen to people’s stories, you will find a common thread among them all.
We all have doubts.
We all have setbacks.
We all have failures.
And we all have moments when we are afraid to try.
It’s the people who take action in spite of their doubts that live lives they are proud of.
6. Fears Show Us Where We Are Holding Ourselves Back
We all have areas that our mindsets need work on.
Where do you feel unsafe?
Which of your beliefs need changing?
“Fears are subjective, and courage isn’t about overcoming someone else’s fears; it’s about overcoming your own. So fears point out where we’re personally holding ourselves back from moving forward, and what underlying beliefs are keeping us there. Fear stems from feeling unsafe if you engage in a particular activity. So it helps you unravel your limiting beliefs.”
Depending on your upbringing and your experiences, you may have a lot of unlearning to do.
And the things you are afraid of will usually show you which thought patterns need adjusting.
The negative in our lives can teach us just as much as the positive.
Usually more.
Practical Steps For Overcoming Fear:
- Acknowledge your fears. The emotions of different fears will always be there, but you don’t have to let them paralyze you.
Get real with yourself about what gives you anxiety, and then start taking steps to overcome those things.
- Get clarity about what you want. Knowing what you don’t want will help you determine which dreams you should be chasing.
Ask yourself what you’re afraid of missing out on, and let your answer guide your actions.
- Let fear encourage you. The anxiety you feel is simply an obstacle between you and success. That emotion usually means you’re being presented with a choice to take a step that will further you toward your goals.
Take action, feel empowered, repeat.
- Know that failure is inevitable. Falling down builds your resilience. Mistakes are just stepping stones on the way to success. This viewpoint alone can change how you operate your whole life.
Embrace your failures and recognize each one as an opportunity for growth and improvement.
If you’re ready to push past your fears and start achieving your freelancing goals, join us today at The No Pants Project.
